The ‘x’ in this photo, perhaps, marks the most significant place I have ever stood. It most definitely is, when it comes to my own sense of identity and my purpose in this lifetime.

Now generally, I prefer not to get too caught up in the concept of purpose but at the same time I no longer have any choice but to honour the things I have experienced and answer my call with courage and commitment.

Resistance to this has pushed me to within an inch of my life!

The image you see here is the entrance to the bedroom I occupied when I shared a house with my sister and now brother-in-law. Recently, I was helping Pete ready the place for new tenants when I found myself standing in exactly the same place I was all those years ago.

This was the place I stood when I experienced an undeniable spiritual calling. A calling to become a 'priest'.

It came from nowhere, a lightning strike, and caught me completely by surprise. I was floored.

This was, without a doubt, the last thing on my mind when it came to any considerations I might have had at the time with regards to my career or any other plans for the future.

‘You’re mine!’

There was no doubt. The clarity was unmistakeable.

From that moment on, life, for me, was never going to be the same.

And to be honest, since that time, it has mostly felt like hell.

When ‘the call’ came I crumpled to my knees, with my head in my hands, and cried, ‘No, no, no, no, no!’

This moment took place around seven years ago.

And I have been in limbo, caught between worlds, ever since.

How did I respond to this moment?

I ran as hard and as fast as I could in the opposite direction.

Doing anything and everything I could to quieten the voice that was preying on me and to help me pretend it had never called on me in the first place.

But it did.

And that 'call' does not get rescinded.

It stands regardless of what is happening in your life, regardless of how you try to numb it and regardless of how much you beg to have it taken from the table.

I guess it’s a bit like when someone close to you dies and you wake up thinking they are still there, and that everything is just as it was.

Until you realise it’s not.

And it never will be.

Up until now I’ve tried to share snippets of this story - and the beautiful but confronting teachings that come with it. But I have only done so in metaphorical form, which in essence, is from a place of hiding.

There are people close to me who have known what I have experienced but I'm not even sure how they really feel about it all. I guess, it's not my place to worry about that.

But when God - there I said it - for want of a better word, comes knocking on your door you don't get to play in secret and 'live'.

That’s not how he works.

You take the consequences of honouring the call. Or the consequences of resisting.

In a way this is the beginning of being fully open to and accepting of the consequences that come with sharing what I must share. And to be honest, it really does feel like a relief! An incredible relief.

Up until now I have only known the consequences of resistance, and these have pushed me to the absolute brink of self-destruction.

The truth is you don’t get the blessings that come with the call, and get to keep your old life.

But your life and everything you thought it was, and was going to be, is a lot to give up.

And you actually don't get to choose.

Well, you do, but it’s not pretty.

My initial despair was also sourced in my Catholic upbringing.

For those who know me personally, I’m just not the priestly type - if there is one.

But the call was clear, and the resistance fierce.

Life became a mess for me, and every aspect of it, particularly my health, began to fall apart.

Three years of chaos and confusion later and a friend of mine, Stella, directed me towards a session with a psychic.

This was not my thing at all, but I went along anyway.

Turns out this would become another very significant moment on my journey.

During the session, the psychic said, ‘I’m going to go into relationships now. Is there anything else you would like to discuss before I do?’

I informed her that I was experiencing somewhat of a career crisis and wasn’t sure what it was I was meant to be doing.

She replied, ‘That’s easy. You’re like a priest but not a priest!’

‘You can do that!?’.

I was in shock.

‘Of course!’ She replied.

Although not a lot changed after this - and there is still considerable resistance today - this moment, at least opened my eyes, to the possibility that I was free to answer my call - without donning a vestment of any kind.

Since that time I have come to realise I never was meant to be a priest.

My role was never to be a man of the cloth.

Or a devotee of any singular spiritual or religious 'path'.

It was always to teach a truth beyond any lens belonging to this world.

But at the same time I have been blessed with understandings that make it applicable to and compatible with any spiritual pathway or pursuit, and to any life or situation.

That's the beauty of the call. You don't get your orders without the resources to carry out your mission.

It's not like being thrown onto a football field at the elite level without ever being exposed to a football or the skills involved.

You are given everything you need.

I have seen, heard and felt great wisdom.

What I have recored and shared over years of sleepless nights has already supported many groups - sporting, religious, educational and business alike - and many individuals of all ages and from many walks of life.

I believe I have far more 10-minute friends than I do real ones.

But the benefits to others haven't changed the pain and suffering I have inflicted upon myself through my own resistance.

Finally, for me, things have started to shift.

Rightly or wrongly, I dealt with my experience by choosing silence so as not to damage friendships, connections and opportunities that I believed important.

One by one these things disappeared anyway, leaving me to wonder if many of my relationships and even some of my goals had been somewhat of a false economy in any case.

Make no mistake, I am well aware that my decision to go into hiding was never going to be conducive to the maintenance of any relationship.

But it had to happen.

Recently, I have been far more open and honest about my story with both people I have known for sometime, and with people I have met more recently.

Just the other night I found myself telling a great friend's sister about my story. It's becoming more natural.

Finally!

Some of the athletes I work with have been particularly supportive, one saying, 'just pull the trigger Tim - we'll always love ya!'

There’s been no real visible changes to my life or my way when I am out and about, apart from those you’d expect with the passage of time , and yet, everything is different.

But I have reached a point where nothing matters as much to me as answering the call - wherever, whenever and however I can, provided it is done respectfully.

Truth be told, things reached a point where that was all I had.

I think my whole journey can be summed up by a short and sweet conversation with that which I now consider to be my employer. I recorded it in my first ‘Meditations’ book.

It went as follows...

‘Many people seek me. How does it feel to be sought by me?’

‘It has felt like a blessing and a curse!’

‘Well then, count only the blessings, and the curse will be removed.’

Post Script.

I have carried the curse with me for many years now.

The weight of which has been enormous.

At times, almost too much to bear.

Even as I write this I have begun to feel lighter.

Much lighter.

Lighter than I have in years, as the cursed cloak, which has burdened me for so long, finally begins to slip away from my body, eventually - hopefully - to disappear altogether.

And so it is.

Tim

For the first book of the Meditations Series, which officially welcomed the era of revelation click here

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